I remember the Boy, but I don’t remember the feeling anymore.


When  I reached adolescence, I felt how first love really was. For the first time I realized it was love right from the start. Ironically, I didn’t believe it dies, but it does. In this story, it’s about my friendship with Keneth. Who was exactly Keneth in my life? Does it really matter that love fails , friendship survives ?

When I came to join the scouting organization, I met new circle of friends way back in High school. A hidden feelings of tension and stress filled inside of me, but I felt it was all right to be accepted as official member in scouting movement. I was glad to met Sir Keneth, who was became a good friend and leader. He led the group with utmost passion. We were together in camping, nature lore adventures, and outings. Until gradually , time kept us closer.

Friendship grew to something unnoticeable thing happened, which we called ‘LOVE’ . Even we did not do anything to make the feelings grow, but it actually did happen. Days later and moment passed by, another camping hosted by our school. I was in the midst to face his gentleness, I shied upon his presence and terribly  terrified to feel this unusual feeling. We took the chance to have a heart to heart conversation. We were lying on the ground watching the stars at night as he came close to me and lied beside me. It was awkward and trying to avoid him. But, I had to control myself. Until , I found that I liked him to be near me and he felt the same.  He admitted that he  liked me too. ” I don’t believe you”, I resisted as if I was not assuming enough that this guy actually loves me. My heart was happy, but my mind tried to convince me it was just a big lie. I was doubting about his feeling. I knew he just played games. Everything was just a stage. I hate thinking about this.

One day,  I received a message from a best friend that his feeling was not for real. Though, I know it, right from the start,  why it was so painful and I was hurt this much upon knowing that he just sized my capacity as part of training or he played games.  I hated this feeling. I cried because I knew I loved him. But, I was just trying to show that I was not affected. I kept pretending as if nothing happen. I was pretentious that in my life some rain dropped  in hidden part my heart. I kept this pain unnoticeable through the training. I can’t understand how was it called. Is this love? For young mind and heart who don’t know about life, a compulsive teenager whose feelings is not love. I realize now love is not just a feeling, but during those times it was love for me because I did a lot of sacrifices for him.

Until , he tried to win me again.The feeling was unforgettable and extraordinary feeling. Yes , he was romantic. He was so constantly visiting and giving me flowers. We went out together and he held my hands every time we walked together. He didn’t miss to send and fetch me from school. He was so consistent with his intentions to make me his girl.My worlds revolved around him.He gave me a year to decide whether to accept his love or not. I think  I fell in love for him.  He is  the only and first guy who visits my house to see my family and parents.

Until Christmas 2002 , my parents were not there. He came to see me with his Christmas gift. That was the happiest day in my whole life. He kissed me on my forehead, then  on my nose and finally on my lips. Wow! I was surprise and shock. I couldn’t believe. Something was so amazing. The feeling was great like I never felt this bliss ever before. MY FIRST KISS.

Proudly , I was happy to have a first happy relationship with him for three-year long distance love affair.My parents had to separate us because we were too young to fall in love. However,  I had nothing to regret that we were not able to work it out. He is always be my best friend forever. Not the failure of love relationship could make as apart. They said, true love never dies. I agree. But, time will heal that painful love.

Every time we see each other, I am just happy to see him and just like a special friend. I remember him, my first love, but not anymore the feelings. Now, I am happily married with the right man who deserves for my true love. Even the feeling is not the same as my infatuation with Keneth, I still love him. The love stays the same even the feeling is gone.


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