“I want you to stay never go away from me. Stay forever. Now you are gone. All I can do is pray for you to be here beside me again.” (Carol Banawa, Stay)
Good evening fellow toastmasters, friends and guest.
I was in my bed, restless and I couldn’t sleep … I felt the wetness on my face. The tears had fallen on my checks while hugging my white pillow imagining that I was with him begging and pleading, “ I don’t want you to go, please stay..”.
I couldn’t believe it happened that fast. I felt terribly crashed and in pain because of missing him too much – his touch, his caresses, his whole being over me.
How can I wake up not looking at those beautiful eyes staring at me every morning with his sweetest kiss on my lips? All is gone.
I could only light a tiny hope inside me that everything is not yet over. But reality stopped me.. he left Maricel and now you’re all alone can’t you understand?
He holds a special place in my heart. I can still recall the happy memories we’ve had.
How did that happened? I was left broken? Ouch! This pain is so unbearable. A bucket of tears is not enough.
I could only kneel down. Pray for strength while surrendering everything to God. I asked for healing that all these pains will be gone in no time.
After that long spiritual journey, an inner voice, the voice of truth, told me a different story. He told me that loneliness is a blessing.
In a book written by Bob Garon, I have learned that loneliness has a way for me to realize things unnoticed. Instances like neglecting my parents, friends and family because I was too selfish to focus on myself. They were always there and they never left me during those times when I was suffering. After I saw my mom crying because of that crippling loneliness, I felt so guilty. I realized then that no one could ever love you better than these significant persons in your life. I stood up, wipe the tears on my cheeks and I hugged her tightly while telling her how sorry I am and that I want to correct my mistakes.
As I faced the mirror, I told myself, Maricel you will stand up, face the realities of life. Be strong for the persons around you they matter most than anything in this world.
From then on, I started going out while reconnecting with my true friends. I packed my daily schedules on community meetings, church activities and club outings. I also read inspirational books especially before going to bed. It helps a lot in diverting your mood and motivating yourself.
Now I am finally free! I think that my heart is ready to fall in love and trust all over again.
There is nothing unusual about my story. We all experience pain, discouragements that is always a part of our journey in the so-called life. We just have to face it in all humility by tomorrow there will be another opportunity waiting to be unveiled. Life is so beautiful to live.
Friends, fellow toastmasters Loneliness is a blessing. For that person, thank you because you made me a better and stronger. You taught me priceless lessons that I can never forget.
Toastmaster of the Evening.
Source : Bob Garon. Facing Life’s Problems. Fiesta Greetings, Inc. 1979 (pp53-55)